The Curious Child Who Broke Toys

My name is Ansh Nishaben Manishkumar Soni, though most people know me as ansh.mn.soni. I am from Navsari, Gujarat.

When I was a child, I used to break toys just to see what was inside them.

My parents probably thought I was destroying things. But today, I realize it was curiosity. I always wanted to understand how things worked. I used to collect yellow sponge smiley balls, play cricket all day, run around with friends, and enjoy the simplest parts of life.

Back then, life was simple.

• No competition.
• No pressure.
• No comparison.

Just curiosity and happiness.

I studied in a Gujarati medium school till 5th standard. I was good at studies, but honestly, I was more interested in sports. Cricket, running, long-pass catch — those things excited me more than marks ever did.

But life had different plans.

The First Turning Point

One of the biggest turning points in my life came when my parents decided to shift me from Gujarati medium to English medium School.

At that age, I didn’t fully understand the sacrifices they were making. Government school to private CBSE school was not a small financial decision for my family. But they still chose it because they believed it would give me a better future.

Initially, I struggled a lot — especially in English. For the first time, I felt behind others. For the first time, I felt pressure. And slowly, my mindset changed.

I entered the race.

At that age, I thought scoring marks was the only way to repay them. I didn’t realize this was also the beginning of a trap — the trap of comparison, ranks, validation, and competition.

Still, from 6th to 9th standard, I consistently scored above 90%. Not because I loved marks, but because I wanted my parents to feel proud.

Looking back today, I realize that many students are not studying for themselves. They are studying because they don’t want to disappoint the people sacrificing for them.

Music, Mathematics, and Mentors

During those years, another beautiful thing entered my life — music.

From 6th to 9th standard, I learned guitar, and those were some of the happiest years of my school life. Music gave me peace in the middle of pressure. It reminded me that not everything worth doing has a rank or a score attached to it.

In 8th standard, I appeared for the International Mathematics Olympiad and secured 3rd rank in school. Around that time, I also met some amazing teachers and mentors at the coaching classes where I studied.

Some teachers don’t just teach subjects. They shape your thinking. And I will always remain grateful to them.

The Pandemic, Marks, and the Endless Race

Then came 2021.

COVID happened. Schools shut down. Board exams got cancelled.

But the race inside my head never stopped.

I scored 94% in 10th standard, and later chose science in 11th standard simply because I was curious about mathematics. That curiosity eventually guided me toward engineering.

From 9th to 12th standard, I studied on around 80% scholarship each year because of my academic performance. I never saw it as an achievement alone. For me, it was my way of reducing the burden on my parents.

Even today, I sometimes feel that whatever my parents invested in me is a debt I can never fully repay. Not financially. But emotionally.

The Question That Changed Me

Somewhere during my JEE preparation, while solving previous-year questions, a strange question entered my mind:

At first, I ignored it. Then it kept returning. Again and again.

That single question became the second major turning point in my life. Because for the first time, I stopped solving and started thinking.

• Was I studying to learn? Or just to survive the competition?
• Was I growing? Or simply running in a race designed by society?

I did not have answers back then. Honestly, I still don’t have all the answers today. But that question changed my perspective forever — because curiosity is more valuable than marks. The same curiosity that made me break toys as a child was now making me question the very race I was running.

Engineering and Reality

After scoring 95.37 percentile in JEE and 89.8% in 12th boards, I entered Pandit Deendayal Energy University to pursue B.Tech in Computer Engineering.

Again, my parents chose the better college over the cheaper option because they believed in my future more than themselves. And once again, I carried that emotional weight inside me.

But college exposed me to a completely different reality.

For the first time, I stayed away from home in Gandhinagar. Suddenly, life was not just about marks or competition anymore. I had to:

• Wash my own clothes
• Manage my own time
• Handle responsibilities
• Improve my communication
• And simply figure out how to survive alone

I remember one evening in my hostel room, staring at a half-finished assignment and thinking — “I used to know exactly what I was supposed to do. Now I have no idea.” That confusion, as uncomfortable as it was, turned out to be one of the most important feelings I had ever experienced. It meant I was finally thinking for myself.

At the same time, I became obsessed with learning skills — Quantum Computing, Python, UI/UX, and many other things. But I also got trapped in fake internship and networking scams where students are used more as sellers than learners. At first, I felt disappointed.

But today, I see those experiences differently. Every wrong path taught me something important. And I began to understand that growth is slow — small improvements every day matter far more than chasing a big breakthrough.

Leaving the Competition

One of the biggest mindset shifts happened after my first year of college.

I became tired. Tired of chasing marks. Tired of competing with everyone. Tired of constantly proving myself.

So during my semester break, I decided to pause and focus on learning genuinely useful skills instead of blindly running after grades. That decision changed me.

Later, I got my first real internship opportunity. It was unpaid, but I was grateful — because for the first time, I was actually learning.

Then I received another good startup opportunity with PPO potential, but due to college constraints and timing conflicts, I had to leave it. Earlier, I would have called that a failure. Now I call it part of the journey.

Because life is not always about holding every opportunity. Sometimes it is about learning from them and moving forward — competing with yourself, not with everyone else.

What Turning 21 Feels Like

At 21, I still don’t have life figured out.

I still get confused. I still overthink. I still worry about the future.

But I understand a few things I didn’t before.

Parents’ sacrifices should inspire gratitude, not fear. For years, I carried pressure thinking I had to “repay” them through success. Today, I believe they probably just want me to become a good human being. That realization alone lifted a weight I didn’t even know I was carrying.

And asking yourself difficult questions changes your life. “What am I doing?” — that one question made me more conscious about how I live, learn, and grow. I am still exploring it. I probably always will be.